


I could tell you, I love him each day

by Bicarisi



Series: Mystery of Love [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Domestic, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Night Stands, Pre-Barisi, Pre-Relationship, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 04:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19143544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bicarisi/pseuds/Bicarisi
Summary: Sonny wakes up in a other man’s bed after Mikes funeral





	I could tell you, I love him each day

**Author's Note:**

> This is just. Super angsty I’m sorry 
> 
> Also no bata so sorry about mistakes

Sonny doesn’t remember how he got into Rafael Barba’s bed that night, his head was aching and he felt sick to his stomach from all of the tequila shots. In his mind he hoped that he would wake up with Mike next to him once more. 

Except for this time, Mike was dead. 

Mike has been dead for less than a week and Sonny was already in bed with another man. 

What was wrong with him? Did Mike really mean so little to him that he hopped into bed with someone the second he died? Where did it all go wrong?. 

He remembers the first time he saw Mike. 

He remembers everyone in the squad, Olivia especially; being antsy and worried about Chief Dodds sending his son over to SVU as the new Sargent. There wasn’t much that he knew about him except that he overheard Amanda and Fin say something about how he was coming in from the Anti-Crime Unit. 

He didn’t think much of it, he had felt that the squad was too small anyway and that it was good they were getting more help. How was three cops supposed to handle all the Sex Crimes in Manhattan anyway?, he thought to himself. Maybe this new guy won’t be too bad, even if he is the Chief’s son. 

He remembers seeing mike walk into the room and his heart stopping. He couldn’t take his eyes off him, Amanda made a comment telling him to keep his jaw closed so he threw a ball of paper at her and she laughed. He noticed that Mike looked over at them; they caught a glance at each other for twenty seconds before sonny blushed bright red and looked away, he still remembers Mike's small smirk from the corner of his eye. 

God. He wished he didn’t fall in love. 

He looked at the clock, it was only 4:15 a.m and he didn’t know why he was still in Barba’s bed. 

He knows he should get dress and leave before Barba wakes but he can’t help but to feel absolutely nothing, it felt like there was a cinder block holding him in his place. 

He felt Barba move in his sleep, he mutters something Sonny couldn’t hear clearly and tenses up when Barba puts his arm around his chest and snuggles him closer. 

Sonny felt like he was gonna be sick. 

After almost two weeks of mindless flirting, Mike finally asked him out to dinner. 

At first nether Sonny nor Mike knew it was a date, but Sonny was still nervous; he thought Mike was handsome and charming, he also couldn’t stop staring into his blue eyes. 

They talked to what felt like hours, about their families, and what they used to do before joining SVU. 

“So uh..” he remembers Mike trying to settle himself in his chair. “Are you seeing anyone? I’m sure it’s hard to date, with working in sex crimes and stuff but-“. He stumbled all over his words like a nervous wreck, Sonny thought it was adorable. “I’m mean I’m sure your girlfriend is lucky to have you-..”. 

“Girlfriend?” Sonny gave him a sided eyed look, “What makes you think I have a girlfriend?”. He said while sipping his wine, he used to think it was amusing when people thought he was straight. He smirked at him while Mike tried to figure out what to say next. 

“I mean, I thought you and Rollins were close?” He shifted in his chair.

‘God he’s so adorable’ Sonny thought. 

“Rollins and I?” He said, clearly amused at the other man’s confusion. “She’s my best friend, it would be weird, so no I don’t have a girlfriend.” He sipped his wine again. “Or a boyfriend.” He added in before he took his bite. “What about you?” He looked at him, waiting for a response. 

“I don’t like girls-“ Mike blurted out a little too loudly. It got the attention of an elderly couple behind them, which made the both of them giggle. 

“Oh? So are you?-“ Mike cutted him off before he could finish his sentence. 

“Well, yes but not everyone knows that- especially my father..” Mike looked down; Sonny felt guilty and thought about what to say. 

“Your secret is safe with me, don’t worry about it. I mean if I haven’t gave it anyway already, I’m bisexual.” He said with a straight face, at that point Sonny was only openly out for a couple of months. He still wasn’t a hundred percent comfortable saying it outloud. 

“Oh,” Mike was so cute when he was confused. It hurts. “So you do like men? I read the situation right?” He was like a puppy, trying to hide his excitement. 

Sonny raised his eyebrow, “Wait, So was this a date Sarge?”, Sonny remembers how badly he wanted to kick himself for not realizing it was a date. 

“I don’t know,” he looked so smug, Sonny wanted to kiss that smirk off him. “Is this a date Detective?”. God he was so perfect. 

Sonny leaned over and kissed him for the first time. 

Sonny thought about how we can never kiss him again, he tried all he had to not cry and wake Barba up. 

This was all wrong, he should be in bed with his fiancé fast asleep in his long arms, celebrating his new job. Not in bed from a drunken one night stand with the ADA. 

He titled his head a little just to check that Barba was still asleep. He looked so warm, but he wasn’t Mike. 

After only a few months, Sonny asked Mike to move in. He knew it might have been too fast but thinking back at it now, he doesn’t regret it for a second. 

Just days before, Mike was home early and Sonny had a long day with a case; he was stressed about all of the new changes that was gonna happen. Mike was gonna start his transfer to The Joint Terrorism Task Force, Sonny knew that he was gonna be great, he really would have been. 

He regrets being so selfish about not wanting him to leave SVU. 

Mike had made dinner for him that night, he remembers the soft candle lighting, the smell of the food, how content he felt at that moment. 

“What’s with the flowers and candles?, are you trying to seduce me Sarge?” He smirked which always made the other man blushed. Mike cleared his throat; “Yes? Maybe?” He giggled. 

God, how Sonny already misses his laugh. 

“I know you’ve been nervous about me joining the Task Force love; and I just wanted to make sure you know that I’m gonna be Okay and that I love you,”. Mike grabbed his hand and rubbed his thumb over it, Sonny would feel safe when he did that. But, he also knew his boyfriend was up to something. 

“Really?,” Sonny cracked at him “Baby doll you know I can read you perfectly clear, what’s going on?”. 

“Iwantyoutomarryme.” He spat out fast, looking down at the table right after he said it. 

“I- what was that?” , “I want you to marry me,” he said it more clearly. When he kneeled next to him Sonny remembers how much his heart filled and his stomach dropped. 

“I know this might feel too fast and I would understand if you said no, but hear me out first. These past couple months have been the best months of my life, and I know our lives are crazy and there’s so many changes that are happening and I just-“ He had to catch his breath. “I love you and I know for a fact that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, so Dominick Carisi Jr. will you marry me?” 

Sonny didn’t realize he was sobbing until Barba woke up. 

“Carisi? Are you okay- god I’m so sorry,” Rafael sat up quickly, looking at him worryingly. 

“I-“ Sonny was stuttering and trying to catch his breath. “G-God I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have- Fuck I’m so sorry Rafael.” 

Sonny grabbed his clothes and got dressed as quickly as he could, he was a sobbing mess and couldn’t catch his breath. It wasn’t until Barba got his attention for him to calm down. 

“Hey, no don’t apologize, I should be the one to-“ Rafael didn’t know what to do, Sonny could tell that he was also freaking out. “Can I do anything for you? I can get you some water-“ 

“We were engaged-“ Sonny cut him off, “we asked me to marry him the night before he-“, he couldn’t bring himself to say it. 

“I didn’t know-,” Sonny knew that Barba felt awful, which made him feel guilty. Barba didn’t deserve his baggage. “Please don’t, I’ll see you at work Monday..”; he then grabbed his jacket and left. Not fully knowing where he was going or how he was gonna live without Mike.

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me what you think! 
> 
> Twitter: @sonny_carisi


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